How's your back?

If I had a pound for every time I have been asked this over the last couple of years I would have been able to pay for the treatment! If I had another pound for every time someone has gone into Doctor mode and suggested some form of alternative treatment (the most common is acupuncture!) then I would be retired now! As you will have seen in my previous posts, I have tried every reasonable type of treatment going. That is not to sound ungrateful for the concern or advice, far from it. As I have outlined previously, without the care and support of family, friends, colleagues etc I would have struggled far more.

Fielding the questions can be tiring sometimes though - and as time goes on and you are seeing no real resolution, probably a bit frustrating. Particularly with those closest to you as it seems to compound the guilt you already feel for the implications your pain can have on both your life and theirs. It creates an awkward dynamic where people do not know what to say, but do not want to ignore it so feel compelled to ask. From my perspective this has often left me me feeling like a parrot chanting the same frustrating mantra. 

The problem is while the majority of back pack pain (even slipped discs) tends to disappear of its own accord, in my experience a dislocating coccyx does not. It is dysfunctional so my sense is that unless you are just very lucky, it ain't going to do a DIY repair job on itself. As documented before, getting to this point of understanding is a process. For ages I was answering people's concerns in the belief that it was genuinely on the road to be being better. However, despite it improving at times, it was not going to resolve. As times passes, this makes you feel a bit of a fraud, and that you are letting people down somehow.

It can get in your head a bit and leave you in a position where you are doubting yourself or the process you are going through. This is of course why you need good people around you for support - the alternative would be far worse. To have dealt with this pain, various treatments and then coccygectomy on my own does not really bear thinking about. I could have done it (through necessity) but it would have been a lot harder.

I am not sure what my message is here other than it is better to have people asking the same question than dealing with it on your own - I am probably talking to myself as much as anything, but hopefully it is useful for others in a similar situation to reflect on too. It is a difficult one to manage, but better to be frustrated at people caring too much rather than too little.